Women Banned From Competing in Women's Sports

No girls allowed!

By Dave Henry

AUSTIN - A new law in Texas has banned women from competing in women's sports, End of the Bench has learned.

The Texas State Legislature passed a bill this week that would require boys five years of age and older to compete in women's sports instead of women in the state. The bill's sponsor, Texas State Rep. Guns McGee, said that allowing women to compete in women's sports is a slippery slope that will ultimately lead to women having other rights, too.

"Look, we're not getting rid of women's sports -- we respect Title IX. Women's sports will still absolutely be a thing in the state of Texas, but we are just making it so that only men can play in women's sports, as opposed to actual women," McGee said. 

With the new law in place just ahead of the fall college semester, the University of Texas, along with Texas A&M, Houston, and other major universities will immediately allow their men's teams to compete in all NCAA Division 1 women's sports.

When asked about the controversial new law, McGee pushed back against those that say the legislation is just a Draconian measure looking to further slow women’s rights in Texas.

"Draco Malfoy has absolutely nothing to do with this," said McGee, who also sponsored a bill that allows babies as young as two months old to carry a gun without a permit. "Now that's a bad dude. I would not take legislative advice from him. Besides, Malfoy is banned from the state, as are all of the blasphemous Harry Potter books."

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McGee went on to say that men are “the real victims here,” and that this new law protects them.

"Men are truly the oppressed ones here. We have been limited to sports and mowing the lawn,” McGee proclaimed. “Women, on the other hand, have the joy of multitasking – carrying and raising children, working full-time jobs, cooking, cleaning. It's only fair we take some of that off their plate, right?"

Not one to be left behind, Florida Governor and Republican Presidential candidate Ron DeSantis hinted at the possibility of following Texas' lead. 

"Florida refuses to bow to the pressures of woke culture," DeSantis said when reached for comment. “Just as my presidential campaign might not have taken off, neither will the idea that women should play their own sports in our state."

End of the Bench will have more as this story develops.

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