The Mafia vs The Bills Mafia

By Doug Kolic

The Mafia – Stakeout a place for hours, waiting for the perfect time to whack an enemy

Bills Mafia – Tailgate for hours, waiting for the perfect time to whack their friend over the head with an aluminum folding chair

The Mafia – Leave a severed horse’s head in their enemy’s bed to show they mean business

Bills Mafia – Powerdrop the horse’s head from the top of the cabinet onto the bed, splitting it in two, then shotgunning a beer to show they mean business

The Mafia – Set fire to rival’s establishment

Bills Mafia – Set fire to a plastic table, then ask their friends to bodyslam them through it

The Mafia – Have trust in their Don

Bills Mafia – Have trust in their Sean (McDermott)

The Mafia – Used to smuggle bootleg liquor across the border to dry towns

Bills Mafia – Openly carry liquor across the parking lot to dry friends

The Mafia – Keep their friends close and their enemies closer

Bills Mafia – Keep their friends close and their fire extinguishers closer

The Mafia – Enjoy foods like braciole and gabagool, prepared by their trusted long-time chefs

Bills Mafia – Enjoy ketchup and mustard baths + game-day chicken and wings from long-time superfans, Chef Norm and Chef Poo

The Mafia – Good way to kill someone is by luring them onto a boat and then shooting them

Bills Mafia – Good way to kill themselves is by jumping off a trailer, missing the burning table, and landing on their necks

The Mafia – Send extortion notes to their victims with the symbol of a ‘black hand’

Bills Mafia – Get severe frostbite from watching the game in -20-degree temperature, then watching hands turn blue, then black

The Mafia – Throw dead bodies into the river

Bills Mafia – Throw sex toys onto the field

The Mafia – Leave no trace behind at the crime scene

Bills Mafia – Leave many traces behind at the stadium, namely mountains of vomit

The Mafia – Declining in popularity thanks to stricter law enforcement

Bills Mafia – Increasing in popularity thanks to looser law enforcement, better on-field product, and incessant social media

The Mafia – Some syndicates lose power over time when informants flip

Bills Mafia – Heartbroken when the team loses the game in overtime due in part to a random coin flip