Cardinals Trade Hog Dog Vendor Just Before Deadline

By Clay Beyersdorfer

In a shocking and unprecedented move, the St. Louis Cardinals made a series of deadline deals, but the most impactful wasn’t for a star player or a promising prospect. 

Instead, they sent their beloved hot dog vendor, Frank "Fryer" Johnson, packing to the division rival Cincinnati Reds in exchange for cash considerations.

The move is seen as a cost-cutting measure as the Cardinals look to improve their minor league depth and rebuild following an uncharacteristically bad 2023 season.

“We sincerely thank Frank for his service, but our organization is headed in a new direction and it’s time for us to rebuild,” said Cardinals owner Bill Dewitt, Jr. in a statement. “I want to personally thank Frank for his wiener service, which was known around the league as the best.”

Fans joined Dewitt in admiration for the longtime concessionaire. 

“I loved Frank’s meat, man. I just wish I could get one last bite of his,” said longtime fan Dennis Thompson. “Guy had the best footlong whenever you needed it, afternoon or night.”

When asked about the shocking move, Cardinals manager Oliver Marmol, replied with a straight face, "It is sad to see him go, but I know one thing - Cincinnati is about to get the best wiener they’ve ever had. Frank knows how to serve it up hot."

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As word of the trade spread like wildfire on social media, fans from both sides of the rivalry expressed their outrage and confusion. The Cardinals subreddit was flooded with posts bearing the hashtag #MissThatMeat, while Reds fans couldn't believe their luck in snagging the league's most sought-after hot dog aficionados.

The absurdity of the situation reached its peak when even sports analysts couldn't keep a straight face on live TV. 

"This is undoubtedly the most monumental hot dog vendor trade in baseball history," chuckled MLB analyst Jeff Passan. "No wiener has ever gotten this kind of return.”

With the deadline over, each team will now move forward into uncharted waters, with the Reds competing for the first time in ages, and the Cardinals finding themselves officially in a rebuild.

They’ll just have to do so without Frank’s wiener.

End of the Bench will have more as this story develops.

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