By T. Kent Jones

OAKLAND - The Oakland Athletics are dead last in the majors in attendance, prompting worried officials to scramble for new ways to utilize the space inside the massive Oakland Coliseum outside of baseball. 

“We’re only getting 8,421 fans per game in a stadium that can hold nearly 57,000,” said Bob Lawson, Director of Stadium Operations. “It was so quiet during the last A’s-Rockies game, I heard the internal monologue of the person sitting next to me. In the bottom of the third, I distinctly heard a mouse pissing on cotton.”

In an effort to generate new revenue streams, the team has signed a deal to turn 75% of the center field bleachers into a WeWork space, which will include a state-of-the-art cappuccino loft, a rock-climbing wall, bike racks, mini-golf, and a “hammock zone.”

Said Lawson on the renovations, “Silicon Valley should look at Oakland Coliseum as a unique remote/hybrid work solution for tech start-ups and incubators. Fresh air, low overhead, reliable wi-fi plus there’s zero chance that enthusiasm over sports will disrupt any calls or team-building exercises.”

Other Bay Area companies are also jumping in on the chance to use the Oakland Coliseum, including Apple, whose executives have booked the stadium for a meditation retreat during an upcoming three-night homestand against the Royals, when Lawson promises, “it will be silent as a tomb in here.”

Other upcoming events include:

June 5: TED talk, “Can the Bay Area Still Support Two Major League Baseball Teams?” 

6 p.m. - Visitor's locker room

June 12-16: Bishop O Dowd High School Thespian Society, production of “Hair”

7 p.m. - Center Field

Re-occurring events include: 

Sundays

Evensong, Third Methodist Church of Oakland 

5 p.m. - Pitcher's mound

Tuesdays and Fridays

Alcoholics Anonymous, “The Oakland AA’s” 

4 p.m. - Behind third base

For more information, fans and those visiting the Bay Area can contact the executive vice president of baseball operations and minority owner Billy Beane.