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Peloton Embracing Role as Coat Rack Now That Pandemic Declared Over

Unprecedented times.

JEFFERSON CITY, MO - It’s not been easy for local resident Sarah Addison’s Peloton bike to embrace a new role, but accepting life as a coat rack has been “necessary.”

Following a successful two years, Peloton has seen decreased minutes during the COVID-19 Pandemic’s third and (what many states are claiming to be) final season.

Peloton was first benched by Addison off and on last summer, before returning to the lineup for a few weeks to start 2022. However, the once-esteemed exercise bike has fallen noticeably out of the rotation as the winter months have now faded, serving primarily as a coat rack most nights.

“I see the case numbers, the hospitalizations, and what they’re saying in the media, I get it,” Peloton said in an exclusive interview with EOTB. 

“It’s a change in how personal workouts are going to be moving forward. I may be part of a dying breed of healthy lifestyle choices, but I’ve still got a lot of gas left in the tank,” the pricey stationary peddler said. “Not literal gas, as that would make me more or less a motorcycle and defeat my intended purpose, but you know what I mean.”

As Peloton has fallen out of the rotation, Addison has gone with upstart Orange Theory and the always-steady Yoga Studio as of late, allowing her to hit record fitness goals while in her best state of mental health since 2019.

“It’s certainly brought a different look I haven’t seen in a while,” she said when asked about her new normal. “I think I’m going to continue to roll with that for the time being.”

Despite Peloton’s literal racking, Addison added that the bike’s role “is still just as important as the workouts.”

“Look, it's not a role anybody wants, but it's a role that’s necessary, and Peloton has really bought in lately,” she said. “And that’s great because I really needed somewhere to drunkenly throw my coats at night now that I’m going out again.”

Despite that reduced role, you’ll hear no complaints from Peloton.

“Yeah it’s not the prettiest job, but I’ll do whatever she [Addison] needs me to do,” the bike said. “I’m team Addison, and always will be. Even when the CDC eventually reverses their new guidance due to another variant and she has to quarantine again, I’ll be there for her.”


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