O Lost Parlay

By Mike Range 

End of the Bench Sports presents this holiday public service announcement--please don't throw away your kids' gift money on a five-team parlay...

(Sing to the tune of "O Christmas Tree")

O lost parlay, o lost parlay

I really thought I'd cash in

But fate said, "Hey - you lose today!"

It happens way too often

The Rams came through, to start my week

The Lions too - the Vikings beat

Things went my way, to start my play

I really liked my chances

Thanks, Tennessee, you lost for me

My Jaguars pick… proved lovely

Then Brock Purdy beat Tom Brady

San Fran covered the measly three

I would have won, had I stopped there

But a five-game bet… is what I'd dared

The final game, was such a shame

I took Seattle, gave three

O lost parlay, the Seahawks played

Like shi - well let's say doody

This lost parlay's my LAST parlay

I'm done, yes absolutely

That's it, no more, not worth the tears - 

Although I said… the same last year

So if I play, one more parlay

So what, you gonna sue me?