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NFL Approves New Kickoff Rule: You Must Do A Fun Lil’ Dance First

Time to get your groove on

Kickoff is now a dance contest.

By Rebecca Jaffe

NEW YORK - NFL league owners have officially voted to change the kickoff rule, and it may be one of the most significant changes in football history.

At the annual league meeting this week, owners voted to adopt a new rule that mandates before the kickoff, one member of the kicking team must do a “fun lil’ dance.”

The league believes this new method will increase team morale and also be “sorta funny to watch, hehe.”

“We’re excited about this new rule, and adding another wrinkle to the game,” said NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell. “We listened to our fans this off-season and the feedback was overwhelmingly in favor of making the game more ridiculous to watch, and we think this accomplishes that.”

Under the new rule, acceptable kickoff dances include:

  • The Macarena

  • An excerpt from the Cha Cha Slide

  • Cotton Eyed Joe

  • Improvisational piece

The rule also states that if a TikTok dance is used, the game will not start and the team will be assessed a 15-yard penalty. If the dance is not deemed funky enough (judged by fan response), the player must redo the dance, this time while wearing a silly hat of his choice from Party City.

If the dance is still not deemed delightful enough, the whole team will be required to wear quirky hats for the rest of the game.

According to Goodell, the rule will have a one-year trial run. If it is not re-approved, the league owners will then choreograph their own fun lil’ dance and present it as one would present a dance to one’s parents at a sleepover: unsynchronized, mildly suggestive moves done to a Ke$ha song while wearing fuzzy pajamas.

“It would be a bit embarrassing to not have this get approved,” said Cleveland Browns owner Jimmy Haslam when reached for comment, “but it’s a worthy price to pay. A lil’ dance is just so fun, you know?”

Either way, it appears kickoff will never be the same.

End of the Bench will have more on this story after we read our lil’ rule books.

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