NBA Replay Center Just a Guy Flipping a Coin

Oh boy.


By Parker Johnson

SECAUCUS, NEW JERSEY - In breaking news today, after being called out for its sloppy officiating in the first round of the playoffs, the NBA Replay Center center has been exposed as a single guy flipping a coin whenever a call was challenged.

“Adam Silver loves to tout this new replay center that we built,” said replay manager Zachary Long. “And I’ll admit, it’s impressive. But some nights, I just get distracted. They put all these nice monitors all over in here and expect me not to play God of War the whole night? These days, I’m just too distracted. I just flip a coin. Heads the call stands, tails it’s overturned.”

After expressing frustration in a postgame interview after Game 2 of the Lakers-Nuggets series, superstar LeBron James was unfazed by the news.

“Yeah, I mean, you take one look at these calls that are being missed and you know something is going wrong over there,” James said. “I thought it was just a guy letting every call stand, but the coin flip thing makes sense too. I’m not sure which one would’ve pissed me off more.”

League commissioner Adam Silver reportedly is aware of the situation but has chosen not to take punitive action.

“Of course, I was furious at first. I had heard that he was playing video games on the monitors, which took his attention away from basketball,” Silver said when reached for comment. “However, once I went to the Replay Center to investigate for myself and saw the game on the state-of-the-art screens, I understood.”

Silver went on to talk about the elephant in the room.  

“The graphics are beautiful, and the narrative is generational,” he added. “Oh, the officiating? Yeah, this is bad. This should not have gotten out. Bad replay center, bad!”

When we asked if the Replay Center would return to normal operations in time for the Finals, Zach said it would depend on how many members of the crew choose to do all of the side quests since there are “loads of those fuckers.”

End of the Bench will have more on this story as soon as we find Atreus.

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