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NBA Analysts Claim Wembanyama Greatest Draft Pick Ever, Likely to Cure Cancer

Expectations are high.

By Dave Henry

NEW YORK - The San Antonio Spurs finally confirmed what the world already knew Thursday night when they took Victor Wembanyama with the number one overall pick at Thursday night's 2023 NBA Draft.

However, despite the lengthy center’s generational status as a basketball prospect, ESPN analyst Jay Bilas is one of many analysts claiming that Wembanyama will not only be the greatest basketball who ever lived but also the greatest human being who ever walked the face of the Earth.

“I’m pretty certain he will cure cancer, all forms of cancer, while he is playing for the Spurs. That’s how good he is,” said Bilas. “He could possibly be Jesus Christ, I am not sure. He’ll have to get into the gym a bit and put on some weight before we really know.”

Wembanyama, who stands 7’5” and plays like a guard yet is not a scientist nor ever attended college, is confident he can tackle a cancer cure next season, in addition to winning Rookie of the Year.

“I’m a quick learner and when I put my mind to something, I can tackle anything, even curing the most horrific thing known to man,” said Wembanyama, with help from a translator. “When I say I am going to get into the lab, I actually mean a scientific research laboratory.”

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Among his other impressive accomplishments, Wembanyama can reportedly also walk on water.

A source tells End of the Bench that Wembanyama actually walked from France to New York City across the Atlantic Ocean to attend Thursday night’s 2023 NBA Draft.

“The feet get a little wet, but if you wear galoshes and thick socks, it’s really not that bad,” said Wembanyama about walking across the Atlantic. “I wish they would have asked me to find the Titanic submarine, I could have easily brought them back to the surface in no time.”

ESPN NBA analyst JJ Redick has also lauded the French man and told EOTB that Wembanyama once jumped off a 10-story building and landed in a glass of water without making a splash.

“It was amazing. That huge 7’5” frame somehow fit into that tall glass of water and it was such a clean entry, there was literally no splash,” said Redick. “It was a literal needle in a hack stack type of thing.”

Redick believes that no athletic feat is too much for Wembanyama, even going so far as to say that he will win the Gold Medal in high diving at the 2024 Summer Olympics in France.

“He’s really just that good, a once-in-a-lifetime talent,” said Redick. “I expect him to be the first human to fly, not in a plane, but actually fly, like a bird across the sky.”

High praise indeed.

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