By Joanna Stein and Christopher Duvall

Ready to win the gold medal in fighting the pandemic? Try switching from your old disposable mask to an Olympic-approved fencing mask. 

“Plain and simple, masks light up when a fencer is touched,” said Thomas Thurber, CEO of Fence Sense. “Now we’ve developed a fencing mask that glows when someone with the virus coughs or sneezes within two feet. Even though it offers no real protection, it looks really cool.” 

The new Fence Sense Touché Deluxe will make people feel safer because they see you are masked, and the fact that you can also take a blade to the face if need be. 

Thurber went on to say that they were currently researching a plan to include a free fencing foil with each mask in order to help enforce social distancing. 

“Remember, the only thing that stops a bad guy with a virus, is a good guy with a sword.”