Man Spends Entire Golf Scramble Reminding Everyone He Used to Play in High School

By Clay Beyersdorfer

PINE VALLEY, USA - In what can only be described as an awe-inspiring display of athletic modesty, local man Douglas Hale spent an entire charity golf scramble reminding his teammates and opponents that he used to play golf in high school. 

Witnesses on the course tell End of the Bench that Hale couldn't resist interjecting into every conversation with anecdotes about his "glory days" on the links, leaving his fellow golfers in awe of his relentless dedication to self-promotion.

"He'd hit a nice drive, and before you knew it, he would talk about how he was 'a golf prodigy back in the day,'" a teammate said. "We get it, Doug. You were great at golf in high school. Can we please just play the game? I took off fucking work for this."

Hale, who hasn't swung a golf club competitively in over two decades, seemed determined to milk his past accomplishments for all they were worth, with tales of astonishing birdie putts, record-breaking drives, and “how all the chicks wanted him.”

"I've never seen someone so committed to reminding people of their high school prowess," said an on-looker. "I mean, I guess it's impressive that he was a golf star at some point, but this is a charity event. He drove here in a ‘98 Civic."

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According to witnesses, Hale even took to the pre-match podium to remind the crowd how awesome he was, with one source telling End of the Bench “he mentioned himself in the same breath as Jesus Christ.”

When confronted about his blatant self-promotion, Hale scoffed at the accusations before casually mentioning that Tiger Woods once said his name in passing during a press conference.

"I have to hand it to him; the man has a vivid imagination," another teammate said. "But there’s no shot in hell he was All-State with that kind of putting stroke and those weak ankles.”

Despite Hale's desperate attempts to convince others of his former golfing prowess, his teammates and opponents remained steadfastly unimpressed. Some even went as far as intentionally hitting their ball out of bounds just to avoid being subjected to another trip down Hale's memory lane.

At the end of the day, the charity scramble served as a harsh reminder to Hale that, while he may have once been a golf prodigy in high school, his glory days were well behind him. 

And despite his antics, the charity event was still full of winners.

“Anybody who didn’t have to talk to him took home the trophy today” the teammate added. “Did I mention that ate my hot dog at the turn?”

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