Local Man Listed as Doubtful for Work Today
Local Man Listed as Doubtful for Work Today
Doubtful (D)
COLUMBUS, OH – Local financial analyst Brian McAllister, 29, has officially been listed as "doubtful" for his attendance at work this morning, sources from his fantasy office league tell End of the Bench.
McAllister, who pulled a mental muscle during Sunday's intense football-watching marathon, is now the subject of wild speculation and strategic moves in cubicles across the floor.
"Look, McAllister's stats were solid coming into this quarter," said colleague Jenna Rodriguez, who had banked on Brian's PowerPoint prowess for the Johnson account presentation. "I had him in my starting lineup for the meeting, but now it seems I might have to sub in Derek from HR or maybe even pull in an intern. This is a real game-changer."
Not everyone is convinced of McAllister's status, suggesting the "doubtful" designation might just be a classic office fake-out.
"He pulled this last year during the playoffs," stated rival team leader Dan Huang. "Next thing you know, he shows up Monday, coffee in hand, ready to tackle the expense reports. I wouldn't bench him just yet."
For his part, McAllister remains non-committal.
"We're taking it day by day. Right now, I'm just focusing on hydration, getting good rest, and rewatching the Dallas Cowboys terrorize Daniel Jones,” he said. “As for the rest of the work day or possibly coming in after lunch, we'll see. I still need to eat lunch."
With week two on the horizon, coworkers will undoubtedly be keeping a close eye on office injury reports and Slack channels.
Whether McAllister shows up or throws the entire department into disarray remains to be seen, but it’s safe to say his Monday morning status will be the talk of the office water cooler this season.
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