Local Man Has Innovative Idea to Start Sports Podcast

By Clay Beyersdorfer

ST. LOUIS, MO - In a stunning development, local software salesman Gary Thompson announced his groundbreaking idea to start a brand new sports podcast. 

Thompson, a self-proclaimed "pioneer" who firmly believes that his unique voice will revolutionize the oversaturated world of sports audio, had the idea while watching a St. Louis Cardinals game 10 beers deep on his couch recently.

The 35-year-old sports enthusiast is convinced that his “unique” insight and unwavering ability to shout at his TV will make his podcast an “instant hit.” 

"I've always had an innate talent for yelling at players on the screen, no matter what the sport," Thompson said when reached for comment. "The world is desperate for someone who is ready to just tell it like it is, and I am ready to share my hot takes and completely uninformed opinions."

Despite the fact that most rational individuals might question the need for yet another sports podcast, Thompson seems blissfully unaware of the thousands of existing shows already covering every aspect of the sports world. 

"Sure, there might be a few podcasts out there," he admitted. "But none of them have MY perspective on why the umpire in that game last night was absolutely blind. Was he betting on the game? Just what was in his back pocket? These are the questions everybody is asking but is too afraid to say out loud. That’s where I come in." 

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Asked who his target audience will be, Thompson, whose highest athletic achievement is being cut from junior varsity baseball, confidently asserted, "I'll appeal to anyone who's ever watched a game and thought, "Gee, I wish I could listen to some guy with no expertise whatsoever discuss this at length!"

Thompson then proceeded to outline his innovative segments, including "Garbage Time Takes" where he rants about inconsequential aspects of the game, such as who is in the stands, and how ballpark beer makes you hornier, and "Injured Reserve," a segment dedicated to conspiracy theories involving athletes' secret injuries and phantom DL stints.

Despite his enthusiasm, Thompson's quest for podcast greatness hasn't been without its obstacles. In an industry where every ex-athlete and washed-up sports writer has their own show, getting noticed has proven to be a difficult task. 

"It's tough, man," Thompson lamented. "I submitted my podcast idea to Apple, and they rejected it because they said they already have more sports podcasts than actual sports. Plus the mic caught me eating chips in the middle of my opening segment. They must not like chips."

Critics have also been quick to question Thompson's chances of success, citing the staggering competition and the overwhelming number of sports podcasts available. 

“I give it two weeks,” said Martha Thompson, his wife. “He once told me he was going to get in shape too.”

Despite the hurdles, Thompson remains undaunted. 

"Hey, who knows?" he shrugged. "Maybe I'll become the voice of a generation. Or at the very least, the voice of the three people who accidentally stumble upon my podcast while searching for something else."

In a sports podcast market that is already oversaturated beyond belief, it is audacious to believe that we need another perspective on the pitch clock or concussions in the NFL.

And if anyone has that audacity, it's Gary Thompson.

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