Local Man Desperately Seeking Attention Befriends Other Man Desperately Seeking Attention

By Clay Beyersdorfer

CITY, STATE - In an unprecedented display of mutual desperation, a local professional athlete has reportedly found a kindred spirit in another man who is currently running for political office and also desperately seeking attention.

The pair, both renowned for their unique perspectives, have reportedly struck up an unlikely friendship baffling political analysts and sports fans alike, one that has the duo considering becoming running mates in an important upcoming election.

Responses to the newly formed friendship range from “What has this country come to?” to “I can’t believe this is happening, oh my god, oh my god, oh my god, I’m Joe Rogan.”

Sources tell End of the Bench that the athlete, who has long insisted that his sole focus is on his sport and teammates, surprised nobody by entertaining the possibility of running as the other man’s running mate. 

“Everyone in the front office was both surprised and un-surprised this was happening,” the source added. “When you’re a fan of this organization, you have to expect the worst possible outcome at all times.” 

Media reports this week also revealed that the duo has been in “continuous communication,” with the athlete seriously considering joining the other man’s campaign ticket. 

The candidate, a third-party outsider known for his anti-vaccine stance and debunked conspiracy theory-laden rhetoric, has faced criticism for his controversial comments, including making light of the Holocaust and being accused of Nazi dog-whistling in his tweets. 

Despite this, the athlete has been vocal in his support for the candidate, raising eyebrows among those who question the alignment of their values.

The potential political alliance has left onlookers scratching their heads, wondering how the athlete’s commitment to avoiding distractions aligns with his involvement in a highly divisive political campaign. 

Critics argue that this move could be the ultimate distraction, not only for the athlete but also for the organization he plays for, as they navigate the upcoming season.

As the sports and political worlds collide, the partnership between the two men serves as a stark reminder that in the quest for attention, strange bedfellows are often made. 

Whether this alliance will benefit either man remains to be seen, but one thing is certain, it would suck to have to live in the country having to deal with it.

End of the Bench will have more as soon as we figure out dual citizenship in Canada.

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