Little Leaguer Moved up in Batting Order Unaware That Coach Has Crush on Mom

By Divyansh Kulshrestha 

PEORIA, IL - As he excitedly fantasized about being compared to the likes of Mookie Betts sources confirmed to End of the Bench on Tuesday that local Little Leaguer Aaron Rabuck was still blissfully unaware that the only reason he was moved up the order was that his coach, Henry Dukes, had a massive crush on his mom.

“It’s true, we’re moving him up the order. He will now be our leadoff hitter,” said Dukes when reached for comment.  “But moving him up in the order has absolutely nothing to do with any tactical adjustment. Rather, it just serves as a way for me to strike up a conversation with the angel that is his mother.”

According to sources, Rabuck was added to the starting lineup shortly after introducing his mother to Dukes after the team’s first game, a 2-1 loss to the green team. 

“Sometimes, you find your best player when you least expect it,” said Coach Dukes, “And sometimes, you find them because the mom’s not wearing a ring and the kid says his parents are divorced which means you can shoot your shot.”

Rabuck’s limited playing skills and objectively attractive gene pool are also apparent to his teammates.

“He’s pretty mid, no cap. But have you seen Aaron’s mom? She’s got huge boobies,” said teammate Albert Thompson, giggling. 

Despite his teammate's pessimism, Rabuck still believes he was chosen based on merit. 

“I have been working hard, doing drills every night before bed,” said Rabuck as Dukes walked his mom to their vehicle. “Coach even said he’ll stay the night and help me if he has to.”

Sources also tell EOTB that Dukes is considering making Rabuck the starting pitcher too if it increases his chances of getting a coffee date with his mom. 

“I’m honestly doing all I can in the best interest of the team,” said Coach Dukes, “And right now, the best interest of the team is to get me laid.”

At press time, Coach Dukes removed the newest leadoff hitter from the team altogether after learning Rabuck’s parents were getting back together.

End of the Bench will have more on this story after we get an orange slice.

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