Kyrie Irving Demands Trade to The Dimension Between Space and Time
To infinity, and beyond.
By Connor Adams
DALLAS - Recently acquired point guard Kyrie Irving has officially requested a trade from the Dallas Mavericks, sources tell End of the Bench, specifically asking the team to “send him to the dimension between space and time.”
The Mavericks become the latest team to endure the wake of Kyrie Irving’s temperament after the All-Star pushed his way out of Cleveland, Boston, and Brooklyn.
He’s now reportedly “dead set on leaving this earthly body and exploring the fabric of existence itself.”
“I really enjoy playing with Luka and the Mavericks, but I just need to be me and see if it's possible if this corporeal form is limiting my ability to speak to the cosmos and retrieve the orb of truth,” Irving said when reached for comment.
Sources say that while Kyrie enjoys the team’s chemistry in Dallas, he feels constricted by playing for an organization with only earthlings and nobody with “otherworldly powers or the capability to bend the space-time continuum.”
“After 30 years on this flat earth, I think it is time for me to see what else is out there, hopefully, people are less critical of what you tweet in other dimensions,” Irving said while attempting to lift a car with his mind outside the Maverick’s practice facility.
While the talent cannot be denied, Irving’s continuous demands and off-court behavior are a worrying sign for other potential teams interested in him, especially those that do not contain space lords or beings with mystical abilities.
End of the Bench managed to reach one of those beings, and when asked, the overlord of a dimension that exists beneath the concept of time, who requested anonymity, expressed concern over Kyrie's attitude.
“If he can’t handle playing with KD or not starting every game, how will he handle the universe collapsing into a grain of sand every billionth of a second as we transcend enlightenment?” said the overlord. “It takes a team guy to achieve true ethereal transcendence, and I am not sure he’s the best fit for our organization.”
That sentiment is being echoed across NBA circles, too.
“You’d have to be a completely broken and desperate franchise to want that guy on your team right now,” an NBA executive who also requested anonymity tells EOTB. “He’ll be a Knick by this time next season.”
End of the Bench will have more as this story develops.
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