By Jackson Heller

Today marked another year of the absolute spectacle that is the NASCAR Hollywood Casino 400.
 
With hearts beating fast and tires spinning faster, it’s easy to get lost in the blood-rushing action that draws in hundreds of Americans per year. 

Now, let's take a look at a few of the key takeaways from today's race: 

They All Drove Really Fast and in a Circle 

I know what you're thinking. "How is NASCAR any fun to watch? All they do is drive in a circle." Well, let me remind you one thing - they do it really fast. Today, perhaps, was the fastest I've ever seen anyone drive in a circle, let alone multiple people ALL driving in circles. 

There Wasn’t A Single Accident

What else do you need? Not only did everyone drive really fast and in a circle, but no accidents happened. In fact, I'd go as far as to say that nothing happened besides driving in a circle at a very high speed. Nothing at all! 

They All Drove in a Circle, But Really Fast 

Not only did they all drive really fast in a circle, they all drove in a circle, but really fast. Hardly anyone expected a twist like this. I mean, sure, we all drive in circles. Traffic circles exist. However, how many traffic circles operate at a blistering 200 mph? Think of today's race as a massive traffic circle, but just at a speed of 200 mph.

In Summary 

What else do you want me to say? Why am I the NASCAR reporter? Can I get, like, basketball, or something entertaining? 

Baseball? I'll take baseball, even. Please. I'm begging you. I had to basically stand around for hours watching people drive a car which ultimately resulted in Kyle Larson taking home the first place trophy to a smattering of unenthusiastic applause and a half-hearted rendition of 'Whoomp (There it is)'.

It’s brutal out here.

*sigh*

Until next time, this is your week in NASCAR.