Jets Fans Pretty Sure They’ve Already Won Super Bowl
The season is already over.
By Devin Wallace
NEW YORK - A recent poll indicates that 100% of Jets fans already believe the team has won the Super Bowl, after starting with a 5-2 record to the NFL season following yesterday’s victory over the Denver Broncos.
“We are the greatest team in football, there’s nothing else to do,” said Jets fan and used-car salesman Mikey D’Amico, while getting a Super Bowl LVII tattoo on his throat. “Name a better team than the Jets, I dare you. The Bills? Never heard of them. Eagles? You mean those flying things? No way. The Jets are the best, and no one can beat us,” said D’Amico, already forgetting losses to the Ravens and Bengals.
Trish Breen, who also confused an above .500 record with the most significant achievement in all of football, was equally confident.
“My parents told me winning the Super Bowl is the greatest feeling a fan can have,” said Breen, who was in the process of changing her legal name to ‘Sauce Gardner.’ “That must be what’s happening now because I haven’t felt this good about being a Jets fan in years. It will never get better than this.”
At press time, analysts actually agreed with Breen, saying it is extremely unlikely it will get any better than this for Jets fans in the near future.
Thanks for reading End of the Bench! Subscribe for free to receive new posts and support our work.