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Highlights And Lowlights: Lionel Messi
The ups and the downs.
HIGHLIGHT: Has won a record 7 Ballon d’Or awards.
LOWLIGHT: Glorious trophy cabinet still missing the Golden Glove award.
HIGHLIGHT: Won two consecutive Ligue 1 titles with PSG while avoiding the temptation to ask PSG owners where all their money comes from.
LOWLIGHT: Immense shirt sales at PSG broke previous revenue records and the determination of teenage sweatshop workers.
HIGHLIGHT: With Barcelona, he won a club-record 34 trophies, including ten La Liga titles, seven Copa del Rey titles, and the UEFA Champions League four times.
LOWLIGHT: Left the club because he failed to achieve Catalan independence.
HIGHLIGHT: Uses his unmatched dribbling skills and incredible ball control to let the ball decide who it is and where it wants to go in life.
LOWLIGHT: Has an uncanny habit of dribbling past a defender and then pantsing him.
HIGHLIGHT: Possesses a vast array of tricks, feints, and improvised moves which he usually practices on his 11-year-old son, Thiago.
LOWLIGHT: Transforms into a soccer ball on full moon nights.
HIGHLIGHT: Won the Copa America and World Cup with the Argentinian national team, but is yet to lead them to the Euro Cup Qualifiers.
LOWLIGHT: Has still not completely grasped the series finale of Ted Lasso.
HIGHLIGHT: Announced his signing to Inter Miami through a tweet instead of a 30-minute ESPN documentary.
LOWLIGHT: Will be very mad when DeSantis puts him on a flight to Martha’s Vineyard.
HIGHLIGHT: Professional rivalry with Cristiano Ronaldo is often compared to other intense rivalries like Muhammed Ali- Joe Frazier, Roger Federer-Rafael Nadal, and Bette Davis-Joan Crawford.
LOWLIGHT: Trails Ronaldo in the award for the biggest Adam’s Apple.
HIGHLIGHT: Received only 3 red cards in his entire career, 4 if you count a 21-month suspended sentence for tax fraud as a red card.
LOWLIGHT: During on-field fights, opposing players usually steal his shirt and shoes to sell at sports memorabilia auctions.
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