Highlights And Lowlights: Lionel Messi

The ups and the downs.

HIGHLIGHT: Has won a record 7 Ballon d’Or awards.

LOWLIGHT: Glorious trophy cabinet still missing the Golden Glove award.

HIGHLIGHT: Won two consecutive Ligue 1 titles with PSG while avoiding the temptation to ask PSG owners where all their money comes from.

LOWLIGHT: Immense shirt sales at PSG broke previous revenue records and the determination of teenage sweatshop workers.

HIGHLIGHT: With Barcelona, he won a club-record 34 trophies, including ten La Liga titles, seven Copa del Rey titles, and the UEFA Champions League four times.

LOWLIGHT: Left the club because he failed to achieve Catalan independence.

HIGHLIGHT: Uses his unmatched dribbling skills and incredible ball control to let the ball decide who it is and where it wants to go in life.

LOWLIGHT: Has an uncanny habit of dribbling past a defender and then pantsing him.

HIGHLIGHT: Possesses a vast array of tricks, feints, and improvised moves which he usually practices on his 11-year-old son, Thiago.

LOWLIGHT: Transforms into a soccer ball on full moon nights.

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HIGHLIGHT: Won the Copa America and World Cup with the Argentinian national team, but is yet to lead them to the Euro Cup Qualifiers.

LOWLIGHT: Has still not completely grasped the series finale of Ted Lasso.

HIGHLIGHT: Announced his signing to Inter Miami through a tweet instead of a 30-minute ESPN documentary.

LOWLIGHT: Will be very mad when DeSantis puts him on a flight to Martha’s Vineyard.

HIGHLIGHT: Professional rivalry with Cristiano Ronaldo is often compared to other intense rivalries like Muhammed Ali- Joe Frazier, Roger Federer-Rafael Nadal, and Bette Davis-Joan Crawford.

LOWLIGHT: Trails Ronaldo in the award for the biggest Adam’s Apple.

HIGHLIGHT: Received only 3 red cards in his entire career, 4 if you count a 21-month suspended sentence for tax fraud as a red card.

LOWLIGHT: During on-field fights, opposing players usually steal his shirt and shoes to sell at sports memorabilia auctions.

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