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Fuck It: Caitlin Clark Just Gonna Shoot From the Other Team's 3-Point Line Now

No court is safe.

By Parker Johnson

IOWA CITY, Iowa— After becoming a sharpshooter from the 3-point line, and subsequently from the court logo, Iowa Hawkeyes star and basketball phenom Caitlin Clark has announced her plans to start shooting from the other team’s 3-point line.

“I’m excited to develop my game in this direction,” Clark said. “When I started pulling up from the logo, the highlight was seeing defenders’ faces when I splashed my shot. I can’t wait to see their faces when I start shooting before I even cross half-court.”

Clark isn’t shy about her ability to shoot from deep.

“Most nights, it feels like I can just do whatever I want out there,” the Iowa phenom continued. “Maybe I should just start wearing Crocs. It might slow me down, but I bet I could get an NIL deal out of it. Maybe I’ll even get my own custom Jibbitz if I’m lucky.”

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Iowa head coach Lisa Bluder was supportive of Clark’s new goal and shared her perspective on the star’s latest endeavor.

“Hell, I don’t see why not,” Coach Bluder said. “And honestly I am afraid to tell her no. She might rip my face off.”

Two-time NBA MVP and fellow sharpshooter Stephen Curry seemed a bit suspicious of Clark’s new goal.

“Been there, done that,” Curry said. “I made three in a row in practice and started begging the NBA to make it a 4-point line, but no luck. People are scared of what they cannot do themselves I suppose.”

At press time, Caitlin was reportedly considering joining the Iowa football team as a wide receiver, saying in part “God knows they need it.”

End of the Bench will have more after we learn how to shoot a basketball.

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