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Formula One Driver Smashes Trophy After Win, Vows to Destroy All Major Sports Prizes

MAX SMASH.

By T. Kent Jones

HUNGARY – After accidentally smashing the Hungarian Grand Prix trophy during his post-win champagne celebration, Formula 1 champion Max Verstappen said he’s just getting warmed up.

“That felt so good, I want to smash all the major sports trophies,” Verstappen announced after his dominating win, his seventh victory in a row. “Give me the Lombardi I don’t give a flying fuck!”

Verstappen’s teammate Lando Norris, who finished second, popped his giant bottle of champagne by bashing it on the podium. The crowd gasped when the impact caused Verstappen’s porcelain Grand Prix trophy to roll off the podium and smash onto the floor. 

Reports say the trophy was handmade over six months by Herendi Porcelanmanufaktura Zrt, and cost just under $45,000

Far from being upset, Verstappen picked up the porcelain shards and shouted, “See what I can do? I broke you! You are nothing! NOTHING!!”

His Red Bull Racing teammates say that ever since the incident, Verstappen has had a mad gleam in his eye.

“He’s scaring me,” said one driver who wished to remain anonymous out of fear of retaliation. “Max told me, the adrenaline rush of racing is one thing, but it’s nothing compared to the kick of destroying the objects of other people’s dreams.”

Thank you for reading End of the Bench! Share this post or we’ll smash your childhood trophies.

Later, on social media, the Dutch speedster released a series of disturbing Tweets:

“Next, I will run over The Stanley Cup with a monster truck.”

“You can’t eat the World Cup. You can’t drive it. You can’t make love to it. That ugly gold paperweight should be thrown into Mt. Doom.”

“I AM GOING TO NUKE THE HEISMAN!!!!!”

Formula 1 writers say the stress of remaining on top for so long may be getting to Verstappen and he is just blowing off steam.

“This isn’t THAT much of a surprise, the guy holds a lot of anger deep down inside of him,” a source tells End of the Bench. “I wonder who smashed his trophy as a kid…” 

Many were also disturbed by his email to Masters champion Jon Rahm: 

“I am coming to your house with scissors and will cut your green jacket into pocket squares while you watch, bitch.”

Behind the scenes, his teammates are urging him to take some time off. 

Said one pit crewman, “We’re going to buy Max a bunch of cheap glass trophies and plaques just so he can smash one whenever he gets the urge.”

This journal entry obtained by EOTB suggests Verstappen is even thinking beyond the world of sports.

“My dream is to go to Rita Moreno’s house and smash her Emmy, Grammy, Oscar, and Tony with a sledgehammer. I want to be the first person to smash someone else’s EGOT.”

End of the Bench will have more as this story develops.

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