- End of the Bench
- Flying Reindeer Comet Enters Transfer Portal
Flying Reindeer Comet Enters Transfer Portal
Merry Christmas from our Bench to yours!
By Rich Taylor
NORTH POLE - The biggest name to date has officially entered the 2023 transfer portal.
Longtime Santa sleigh-puller Comet announced over the weekend plans to depart the North Pole and explore other options for the upcoming season. The news comes after Santa Claus, for the 84th year in a row, tapped Rudolph to lead his Christmas sleigh.
“We wish Comet nothing but the best, but around here we always say, ‘next reindeer up,’” Claus said when reached for comment. “Comet was always a solid, reliable puller, but to me, Rudolph has the intangibles, including instinct, Christmas spirit, and that whole red-nose thing that makes him my clear RD1.”
A former five-star recruit, Comet’s simmering frustration over Rudolph’s stranglehold on the coveted, and NIL lucrative, sleigh leader position reportedly “boiled over” in a recent heated confrontation.
“We had just finished condo courtyard landing drills and Comet saw that Santa had posted the projected lineup on the locker room whiteboard and he just snapped,” said one reindeer who wished to remain anonymous for fear of reindeer retribution. “He hind-kicked the board across the room and then charged Rudolph like he was going to gore him. It took me, Dasher, and Yukon Cornelius to hold him back. Cupid ran out of the locker room crying. Classic Cupid.”
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Prominent team dentist Hermey the Elf was also on the scene and detailed the events that transpired.
“It was just like back in the playground days,” the North Pole native said. “Comet was screaming that Clarice only liked Rudy because she has a 'weird thing for red-nosed freaks' and that he is only RD1 because Coach Donner is his daddy. His departure was inevitable. You can’t just shake hooves and pretend those things were never said.”
When reached for comment, Comet declined to address the alleged incident, instead offering a written statement that read:
Given his name recognition, flying ability, and centuries of consistent performance, Comet is expected to soar to the top of many recruiting lists.
Early speculation on possible landing spots includes Procter & Gamble, SpaceX, and suiting up for Deion Sanders at the University of Colorado.
End of the Bench will have more on this story as soon as it has a very Merry Christmas.