Fireworks Shortage Forces MLB to Use Dynamite for Fourth of July Festivities

Should be a banger.

NEW YORK - Major League Baseball commissioner Rob Manfred announced Thursday that the league will use dynamite in place of fireworks at every ballpark’s celebration of Independence Day this coming weekend. 

The announcement comes amid a fireworks shortage nationwide, yet another industry affected by global supply chain issues, rising insurance costs, and labor shortages caused by the COVID-19 pandemic.

“We’re thrilled to be able to be able to continue Major League Baseball’s tradition of explosive displays that honor our country’s independence at all of our stadiums this weekend,” Manfred said at a press conference Thursday morning. “Given the national shortage, I am proud of our team for completely thinking through a safe, family-friendly alternative that everyone will be able to enjoy.”

Manfred added that the league has been researching the best alternatives to fireworks for “quite some time,” adding that he believes the league’s alternative approach will still be able to “bring this country together.”

“I think despite all the political infighting and absolute nonsense going on in this country right now, Americans CAN agree on two things in regard to Independence Day - you always play baseball, and you ALWAYS blow something up,” he added. “We may not have our usual heart-pumping displays this year, but a fireworks shortage and the ongoing collapse of our society aren’t going to keep us from delivering both of those things to this great nation.”

Sources have confirmed that the league plans to retain the services of Wile E. Coyote to oversee the dynamite installation at all MLB ballparks.

End of the Bench will have more as this story develops.