FIFA Defends Awarding 2030 World Cup to North Korea

By Patrick Crooks

ZURICH - Officials from FIFA have found themselves on the defensive again after the controversial sports governing body has reportedly awarded the 2030 World Cup to North Korea.

"Once again, a perfectly adequate World Cup host has been attacked by activists who would rather play politics than focus on the game," stated FIFA President Gianni Infantino. "North Korea is a country with a strong history of love for sports and a passion for the game. Rather than focusing on so-called modern-day concentration camps, human rights, and their 'authoritarian' leadership, let's instead focus on the strong football culture that we're sure they'll have successfully built by the time 2030 World Cup rolls kicks off."

Officials from the North Korean regime also defended their roles as hosts in the face of the almost universal condemnation from players, fans, and activists.

"It is only fitting that the glorious Democratic People's Republic of Korea, who humiliated the imperialist Italians in the 1966 World Cup, be chosen to host," stated North Korean Football head, Ri Ryong-nam. "The DPRK, under the guidance of the most enlightened Marshall, Kim Jong-Un will host the greatest tournament of all time with many new stadiums to be constructed by the dedicated Juche workers and not at all 'slave-labor.' Visitors to the World Cup will be free to enjoy festivities under the guidance of their minders and at their hotels in the designated areas near the stadiums"

Observers were skeptical of the totalitarian state's ability to host the tournament with many suggesting malfeasances in awarding them the 2030 tournament.

'FIFA has never been subtle in how corrupt they are, but this one certainly takes the cake," noted sportswriter Dave Zirin. "Russia and Qatar already left the organization with a cloud of suspicion of their head, but to award the tournament to a country that has virtually zero infrastructure and can barely provide electricity to their own population just reeks of some backroom dealing. You'd think they'd have learned their lesson after Qatar, but then I remember that this is FIFA we are talking about."

At press time, some sources reported that FIFA was now reexamining its decision to award the 2034 World Cup to Saudi Arabia.

End of the Bench will have more as this story develops.