Father Meets Parental Quota with 15-Minute Game of Catch Post-Work
Father of the Year?
By Clay Beyersdorfer
PENSACOLA, FL—In a stunning display of fatherly heroism, local man Mike Thompson has reportedly met his parental quota by indulging in a brief 15-minute game of catch with his kids after work, finally making up for months of missed opportunities and neglect.
Thompson, who has a long history of failing to live up to his duties as a father, has now momentarily redeemed himself with this wholesome act of fatherhood, leaving his children with a sliver of hope that he actually cares about them.
“This is so great, Daddy!” said Thompson’s 7-year-old son, who started t-ball two weeks ago, unbeknownst to his father. “I’ll never forget this moment!”
Thompson, who has a track record of flaking out on family commitments and prioritizing work and personal hobbies, decided to set aside a whole quarter of an hour to bond with his kids after what he and he alone describes as a “stressful” day at the office.
"I don’t want to talk about it,” said Thompson when reached for comment. “I just want to spend time with my kids, nothing else matters right now.”
In a candid interview, Thompson admitted to his past failures.
"Yeah, I've dropped the ball as a dad before. Both literally and figuratively. Missed soccer games, forgotten birthdays, you name it,” Thompson said. “But this time, I really pulled through. How many other dads right now in this digital day and age would give 15 whole minutes of undivided attention to their children? I'm like the Superman of fathers!"
Thompson's wife, Melissa, was equally amazed when she learned of the incident.
"I've seen him prioritize a work conference call over our kids' school events, but this catch session was truly monumental, I even took a picture of it I plan to share on Facebook later,” she said, wiping away tears. “He even resisted the urge to check his work emails while he was doing it! I am so lucky to have this man!”
However, not everyone is impressed with Thompson's parenting prowess.
“I’m surprised he remembered he had kids,” said Dave Threk, the neighbor to the Thompsons. “I watched him finish up an email while his kid was dangling from the roof one time. He could not be any less present as a parent.”
Despite the naysayers, Thompson remains proud of his achievement.
"I've really turned a corner as a dad. Who needs quality time when you can have speedy time, am I right?" Thompson quipped, before excusing himself to catch up on the day’s sports highlights.
If Thompson’s story teaches us anything, it’s that every minute counts.
Especially when your kid is on the roof.
Thanks for reading End of the Bench! Subscribe for free to receive new posts and support our work.