Experts Predict DraftKings Sportsbook to Win Super Bowl LVIII

By Parker Johnson

BOSTON – After predictions came out across sports media, data analysts, and fans across social media, the consensus winner of Super Bowl LVIII was neither the Kansas City Chiefs, nor the San Francisco 49ers, but sports betting company DraftKings.

“I agonized about my pick for quite some time, but have come to a decision,” said one analyst who wished to remain anonymous. “While Patrick Mahomes is an impressive talent, and Brock Purdy is the perfect wild card to come out of nowhere for a win, DraftKings is the obvious choice. I think when we see the numbers come out following the game, everyone will see that this answer was in front of all of us the whole time.”

Players for both the Niners and Chiefs were shocked by this prediction. None of them were more shocked, however, than DraftKings CEO Jason Robins.

“We at DraftKings are incredibly honored to be chosen as the consensus winner of this year’s Super Bowl,” Robins said in a statement. “So many people turn to DraftKings to enhance their experience on gameday, whether they’re betting $5 on a Chiefs win, or their child’s college savings on the coin toss. I never dreamed that we would be predicted by so many as the winner. Maybe I’ll even get Super Bowl MVP! Watch out, Mahomes!” 

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News of the sports world’s consensus prediction has already spread to the very top of the NFL.

“What? DraftKings Sportsbook? That doesn’t make any damn sense,” league commissioner Roger Goodell told End of the Bench in an interview. “Everyone knows that football is one team against another. A sportsbook could never win any football game, much less on the biggest stage of them all.”

It should be noted that after this statement, Goodell paused our interview to take a lengthy phone call.

“Now that you mention it, really anything can happen,” Goodell said, seemingly changing his tune. “Because at the end of the day, football games aren’t about who scores the most points. And no matter what your 4th-grade flag football coach said, sports aren’t about who has the most fun, either. It’s about who makes the most money.”

End of the Bench will have more on this story after we put in this 10-leg parlay.