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Cubs Manager David Ross Agrees to ‘Just Do a Silly One’ for Upcoming Lineup

No girls allowed!

CHICAGO - As the tension of the season grows, with every pitch and swing carrying the weight of immense expectations, Cubs Manager David Ross is bucking the trend and taking a decidedly light-hearted approach to baseball.

Like his predecessor Joe Maddon, Ross said he believes in new, fun ideas to help the team win and loosen them up.

His latest? Do a silly lineup and let everyone know the team is “a bunch of goofy guys.”

“We’re gonna show the entire league that we don’t let the stress of the season get to us and show off our fun, silly side for once,” Ross explained. “Now everyone will know that we’re just a bunch of guys who like to have fun!”

From batting Yan Gomes in the leadoff position or letting Kyle Hendricks take a few swings on his off day, the possibilities are endless and according to Ross, “each one is even sillier than the last.”

“I’ve really gotten the creative juices flowing as of late, so who knows what I might come up with,” said Ross. “It also might just be me hallucinating from this fucking heat wave.”

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The Cubs players are buying into Ross’ new system as well, admitting that they could use a break from the seriousness of a playoff run and remind fans that, after all, baseball is fun.

“It’s nice to just let our personalities show every once in a while,” said outfielder Mike Tauchman. “I forgot baseball is actually pretty fun.”

Rumor has it that next week's lineup will be chosen based on a highly scientific method: a spirited game of duck-duck-goose. 

Moreover, Ross is said to even be considering mascot Clark the Cub as a pinch hitter, though only if the wind direction is right.

“I heard he’s a washed up JV baseball player looking for his shot,” Ross said. “My only condition is he keeps the mascot head on. He could strike out for all I care, I just want to see it fall off when he swings.”

End of the Bench will have more as this story develops.

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