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Baseball Hall of Fame Unveils New Interactive Exhibit on “Fighting with the Umpire”
By James Knapp
COOPERSTOWN, NY - The National Baseball Hall of Fame and Museum plan to reveal a brand-new exhibition exploring the art and history of managers berating umpires over perceived bad calls, sources who must be fucking blind if they thought that the last one was a strike tell End of the Bench.
“We are thrilled to present this exhibit to the public. Finally, we can educate people on the time-honored tradition of losing your shit on an unsuspecting person just trying to do their job,” remarked museum curator Tom Shieber when reached for comment. “This new exhibit really is all-encompassing. We go into the long history of umpire abuse, from the first batting helmet thrown in 1926, to modern history like the first ump to get doxxed.”
The announcement comes after yesterday’s reveal that longtime slugger Fred McGriff will be the only inductee into this year’s Hall of Fame class.
“Also, the exhibit is interactive. So, guests really get to immerse themselves,” added Shieber. “They’ll learn the proper techniques for kicking dirt, study a list of approved homophobic slurs to yell, and the best way to mutter to yourself as you trudge back to the dugout. We thought of everything!”
Despite criticism that the new exhibit glorifies “coach-on-ump violence,” museum visitors have responded overwhelmingly positively.
“This is a huge improvement over how the museum used to be. I mean, I love baseball, but there’s only so many times you can look at Ty Cobb’s bat without wondering how it would look if his manager threw that at a third-base ump’s face,” explained exhibit guest Peter Greenley.
“The only thing I would change about it is to get rid of that ‘in memoriam’ wall for all the umps who died in the line of duty. It’s a downer and I got my kids with me - it’s just not appropriate.”
At press time, museum officials had updated the exhibit to include a live, professional demonstration, which is actually just an ongoing Little League game being played in the parking lot.
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