At Halftime with Cronus, A Tale of the First Superbowl

An all-time interview.

By Allan Appel

The following is an exclusive interview between Al Michaels and Cronus, the leader and youngest of the first generation of Titans, at halftime of the very first Superbowl.

Al: Cronus, I know you have a lot on your mind, and I want to thank you for giving us a few minutes to chat with you.

Cronus: No problem, Al

You are the youngest and arguably the toughest member of this Titan team. Yet you’ve been taking a beating. You’ve got to admit it’s been an incredible first half.

It has, Al.

I know you’ve just been huddling up with Oceanus, Iapetus, Hyperion, and the other Titans. Can you tell us what you must do to come back in the second half against this quick squad from Mount Olympus?

Al, I think the problem is basically attitude. We were a little overconfident, especially in the first quarter. What happens when you play against your own children, and, well, they just took advantage?

Do you think the overconfidence also comes from being defending champs for so long?

It’s true that we have held the trophy since time immemorial. That tends to relax a club and then it is sometimes tough to get up for the big game. We’re going to change all that.

Cronus, can you tell me about the play of your wife Rhea?

Al, as you know, Rhea is not only my wife, she’s my sister, too. That’s a family matter if there ever was one. And I’d rather not go into it with the press.

Fair enough. Just tell me why you benched her and if she’ll see action in the second half.

If she behaves herself, she’ll get back in. But she can’t continue to telegraph our plays, especially to Zeus.

But Zeus is her son.

And I’m his father! But not out there I’m not. Out on the field, all he is to me is the opposing player. If Rhea can’t understand that, I’ll replace her again. It’s that simple. We won’t lose much. We’ve got a strong bench. Themis was in there doing a great job, and Phoebe was playing her heart out, too.

Although you’re locked in combat with your own children, at the same time you must be incredibly proud of them.

They’re a bunch of tough kids, all right.

I’ve noticed that they’re playing with a determination and abandon I haven’t seen before. Do you think it has something to do with the fact that you ate them up last week?

It’s true. I got angry and I did eat them last week. But I disgorged them on Wednesday.

Nevertheless, it must have left some marks. They’re playing like there’s no tomorrow.

For them, there isn’t.

The P-boys, Poseidon, and Pluto, as well as Demeter and Hera all seemed to be gunning particularly for you, to throw you over at every opportunity. If they double-team you in the second half, will you try to hit the open deity?

You better believe it, Al.

What do you make of Zeus’s bolts, Poseidon’s trident, and the helmet Pluto has on today? It’s made entirely of darkness so that you Titans haven’t been able to find Pluto, let alone lay a finger on him.

Cheap tricks. But we’re not going to let that stuff bother us. We’re going to continue doing what we’ve done all season, what we do best. Hyperion’s going to blind them, Oceanus drown them, and Mnemosyne – she’s well-rested – is going to knock them senseless. And even then we won’t be done with them, not by a long shot!

Cronus, this is a classic battle of Experience versus Youth. If the Olympians continue to use the bolt, the trident, and other unorthodox weapons in the second half, would you consider appealing the game?

Appealing the game? We’re the Titans! They’re Olympians! We’re all gods. To whom do we appeal, man?

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